finding strength.

i never gave up so to speak.. but i have been discouraged. the weight that i lost in the beginning of the year ended up mostly coming back, though i must be patient because i am building muscle as i work out. it's hard to forget about the numbers sometimes, especially when they've been so high for so long.

there's no scale in my house anymore, but i do check when i go to the local health food store. they have a selection of digital scales available for customer use. i stepped on and said 'yes! 193!'. the manager did a double take and asked 'how much?!' apparently she was in disbelief that i weighed that much. 'well you carry it very, very well dear' she says. i'm sure i'd be 20 pounds lighter if i wasn't endowed with so much weight on my chest.

i've managed to stay on top of my morning routine of blending up a booster smoothie first thing to get me going, and taking the natural supplements designed to support my sluggish thyroid. that finicky little gland is partially responsible for this mess, even when i eat right and get exercise it's terribly hard to keep the weight off. the fact that my weight has gone down a few pounds this year instead of up several is a miracle, and also a motivation. i have gained on average 7 pounds a year since high school, no matter what i did to fight it. well now i'm taking it to the next level, and slowly changing my entire lifestyle to reflect the good health i wish to experience. health isn't something you make time for occasionally, it is your daily life.

it's been rough keeping up with working out, monitoring everything i eat, and managing to get done in a day everything i need to do. having a bunk thyroid zaps the energy right out of you and once inertia sets in it's hard to get back on track and into motion. i just have to find the strength to get back on my feet even when i'd rather take a nap, and push myself to keep moving. finally, it's starting to pay off.

there's only four months left to this year, and honestly i thought i would have made more progress by now. i'm not disappointed though, because there's only four months left to this year, and even though i haven't made the progress i thought i might, i'm still trying. one day at a time..